Materialism in relationship by Ali Hassan Bangwar
Far from being an experience in a vacuum, human life is a matrix of intersecting human interactions. As social animals, humans can experience a rewarding and fulfilling life only in a social set-up. That is, the needs associated with human life can hardly be accomplished single-handedly; the reciprocal social interactions cater to the physical and psychological needs crucial for survival. This inevitability of interplay gives rise to the concept of society, which is a conglomeration of reciprocal human interactions.
In a society, a man is bonded with different individuals and groups with different proximity and purposes. However, being surrounded by others cannot necessarily afford one a serene and fulfilling life. This is because although the social interactions of transactional nature might help meet physiological needs like food, water, shelter and clothing, a worthwhile living experience demands more than this. The accomplishment of psychological needs of love, belongingness and self-esteem is vital for a delightful life. And kinship groups play a key role in this regard.
Built on descent, marriage, adoption or fictive ties; the family, relatives and friends make up immediate relationships one gets afflicted with. A collaborative, supportive and encouraging surrounding is a potential source of affection, unity and strength in navigating the tumults of life. Affectionate surrounding adds a recipe and meaning to life. In ancient times, the lofty ideals of altruism, humanism and genuine emotions bonded kinships. This was how they led materially deficient, yet relatively content life.
As a double-edged sword, people making up kinship groups can be the source of happiness and fulfilment or of troubles and deprivations or both in someone’s life. Sadly, as we ascend to the pinnacles of material progress, we are leaving behind the naturalistic and priceless values that bonded humans for millenniums. The sacredness, genuine respect, trust and protection that characterised relations for centuries are getting replaced with materialistic, egoistic and monetary tendencies. The toxicity of selfish interests, hypocrisy, egoism, distrust, envy and insecurity eat at the very soul of exalted norms. Truthfulness, trust and selfless attachments are losing worth by the day. Honesty, sincerity and diligence are hardly anyone’s kin. Instead, material possessions form the nucleus of transitory kinship. Since the strength of kinship bonds depends on the value of interest and financial health, the loyalties shift with shifting interests, stakes and status.
An emblem of lasting love, selflessness and cooperation, the institution of the family couldn’t escape the onslaught of materialism and toxic tendencies. Friction, grudges, ego, arrogance and resentment among members characterise most families today. These frictions leave detrimental impacts on the nascent minds of children and often lead to toxic enculturation that makes them follow suit when growing up. The transformation of traditional joint family systems into nuclear ones also manifests the weakening of familial bonds.
Symbolic traditions and monetary interests increasingly defeat genuine affection and candidness in today’s friendship. Overwhelmed by luxuriant trends and intoxicated by monetary interests, we often overlook compulsions one might undergo and the candidness one might hold for us. A friend recently told me that at the invitation of his friend, he had borrowed some money and travelled around 400 km to ensure his attendance. But he received discriminatory treatment from the very friend, as if he was an unsolicited guest. The reason he quoted was: unlike many others, he couldn’t afford a gift for his wedding. Owing to this materialisation of thoughts, most of today’s friendships are only free time huddles and transactional interests. Any doubt? Act like a poor and you would be left with your shadow.
The maladies of jealousy, backbiting and mudslinging infect most relatives today. Solution? The revamping of socialisation institutions from the grassroots level would help arrest the weaponisation and materialisation of mental and behavioural tendencies among the relationships in our society.