Being seen & heard…Muna Khan
GOING to graduate school in the US as a mature student meant I felt a disconnect with younger students, especially around language and identity issues. It took some time for me to understand words like woke and gaslighting but it provided much humour in the classroom.
I was studying journalism having practised it for about 20 years and had more in common with my professors than students who complained they did not feel seen or heard. I took seen and heard to mean as sources in reporting whereas they meant the opposite truly understood. Who has time to sit and truly understand sources, people, communities when youre racing against the clock, Id argue. They blamed the media for not accurately representing communities, or even trying to, which is why the news media was losing audiences who feel invisible. I warned them that talks about feelings will not sit well in a newsroom.
Donald Trump won the election a few months into these discussions. His unexpected victory was blamed on Russian hackers, Facebook ads, Hillary Clinton; but a Harvard study blamed it on the press specifically the overwhelmingly negative tone of news coverage.
The very classmates I ridiculed had the answer to why the media got it wrong: the liberal elite coastal media did not attempt to understand or fairly report on Trump supporters. It was a big teaching moment for me and I said I would always try to understand the other perspective in my work but its been a struggle especially when those others use abusive language.
David Brooks new book How to Know a Person offers insight on how to better see, hear and also be heard in an age where digital connectivity has caused isolation. That sense of being understood can only come from genuine human connections, he writes, and he offers practical steps on how to engage with people or reconnect with old friends.
This may sound like self-help territory but unlike other guides, Brooks book is meticulously researched. He references neuroscience, psychology, history, education, and the arts to present an understanding of human connections. His concern is to understand the decline of morals in America and offers interesting tidbits, like how words in books have reduced in the 20th century. Using a software tool, he learned how bravery was down 66 per cent in books, humbleness by 52pc and gratitude by 49pc. Parents arent teaching their children about character, instead its about winning.
Some of his self-help suggestions how to start conversations while trite, even silly, speak to a larger issue, not just in the US. Our screen time has upended our social skills. It was possible to have friends with opposing views on a host of issues but that seems impossible now. We myself included use emojis to communicate feelings. If you cut yourself off from emotions you risk cutting yourself off from intimacy and life itself.
Along with social media, he holds the widening inequality, populism, bigotry and a decline in religion and community participation responsible for an absence of values born of kindness.
Here, I disagree with him slightly based on my time as a student in the US where I saw an emergence of a new moral code and I believe that doesnt sit right with Brooks, a white conservative who supported the Iraq war and is pro-Israel. The US has made a great deal of strides in diverse political representation, gender and LGBTQ rights and is fighting back against racist and anti-climate policies. It represents a rejection of a world order that has seen a rise of centi-millionaires (people with investable assets greater than $100 million) whose number has doubled in the last 20 years according to a wealth advisory firm.
I believe the pushback to Israels propaganda is also proof that young people are calling out the lies because they now can see, hear Palestinians, who have been denied space in the press. Go to TikTok to see the videos of users reading a 20-year-old letter by Osama bin Laden to the Americans and agreeing with him. There is a genuine interest in wanting to know, to understand others and ourselves in the process.
This is the purpose of journalism and I hope the press can find its way back to representing communities fairly.
Of course, societies need more empathy and human connections are vital for us to thrive. Its why I support ease of travel restrictions between India and Pakistan especially for families and artists, sports people, students on exchange programmes. Let us connect, talk, listen and have a respectful exchange of ideas so we can ease some of the social pain Brooks says we are all in. These small steps versus grand PR-driven gestures can help us become a better friend, neighbour, partner, values I hope we can all support.
Courtesy Dawn